One thing I regret? Well I have many to choose
from. People say they have no regrets. Really? No regrets? Not one? Im jealous.
I wish I had no regrets. I'll always have regrets and my biggest one was
falling for a charming, handsome, kind, caring who surprisingly was a jerk.
John McClesh, the man of my dreams. Two weeks ago he cheated on me with my
former boss; Gloria, she flawless in every way (on the outside). And yes she is
the beautiful blonde that made it to the top by the size of her breasts. John and
I broke up only two weeks ago. And now I'm the photographer at his weeding.
Yes, you heard me. His wedding.
I contemplate throwing the wedding cake on the
Glorias dress, however that wouldn't be fun? Wait, that would be lots of
fun! But I need this job. I watch as she gracefully walks down the aisle,
looking flawless, I'm so jealous because only two weeks ago I honestly thought
that that would be me one day. He is just standing their not caring that I'm
there, not caring that just two weeks ago he shattered my heart. I shake it
off. And press on with the job at hand. And it's not my fault if the 'camera'
adds ten pounds to the size 6 figure she is so proud of.
Without a second thought the camera flashes and
now I'm eating my creme burlee. One good thing about this wedding is the food
is to die for. I'm tired of mopping round this rather beautiful banquet hall.
It's even more stunning than a sunset on the beach. There are lilies in water
in vases. The simplicity gives it even more beauty. The chairs have light pink
ribbon that are tied in a bow. The chandlers are dangling down off the roof
effortlessly. So delicate that If a feather, light as air were to land on
them,they would shatter. The tables were layered in rose petals. The cultary
had designs so gorgeous they must have been designed by angels. But no,
sadly its not mine. Its Glorias.
Seeing the happy couple is depressing. I weep,
in my head, of course! Or so I thought. A kind lady walks up to me and asks if
I'm alright. I'm hesitant to answer. I examine her head to toe. She's around my
age and is dressed like a stripper. Short, small and barely there are what her
clothes look like. Her eyes scream kind and caring so I answer. "I'm
alive, thats all matters I guess?" I get a rude awakening when shes starts
giving me a lecture on how life is a gift, and to treat it with respect. I nod
in agreement. But really I'm thinking which flavor of ice-cream I will have
tonight after this nightmare is over. I'm awakened from my dream with a
extremely stupid question. "So, whats your connection to the happy
couple?" She doesn't exactly seems to happy for them but I shrugged it
off. I wait for her to realize I have a camera in my hand, snapping up
pictures of the wedding. I gesture to my camera. "Oh right, blonde moment,
you know us blondes." She laughes awkwardly, in a desperate attempt to
keep the conversation alive she gives me her life story. "Well, I'm an ex
of the groom. That BEEP slept with the bride while we were going out and then
broke up with me two weeks ago." I suddenly am alert. "WAIT!" I
answered. "Did you say two weeks ago?" "Yeah, two weeks ago, if
i didn't know any better he only hired me as a dancer to make me
jealousy." that *beep* "Oh gosh that is exactly what happened to
me." This is normally about the time when I break down in tears. But
I don't I freeze. Oblivious to the stripper; who's name I don't know yet
shaking me furiously. I scan the room. Analyzing every single woman in the
room. Trying to figure out if they were "bumped" two weeks ago
too.
About an hour later when the dancing had begun.
I gather a bunch of woman. Thirteen to be exact. Thirteen woman were
dumped exactly two weeks ago for the same reason. John is exiting the hall to
go toilet, now is our only chance to confront him, I instruct the girls to
cover all exits. I stand outside the cubical. Waiting for him to come out. I
question why im doing this. What will ot achieve? I don't have time to answer.
The door slowly creeks open. My heart is pounding, I stand proud. He
exits, jumps in fear. "Oh my. Um judy, how is it going? Thanks for taking
the photos, your photographs are amazing." There is a sense of fear in his
voice, and so there should be. "Really? Why thank you! You know what else
you might find amazing. That you can date fourteen girls at the same time. Plus
have an affair You made me feel like I was the one, you made all of us feel
like we were the one. Now it's time for revenge."
I think about what I just said and
realized I was repetitively pounding his head into the tap. Blood gushing
everywhere. I stop with a sudden jolt as he screams in pain. I think about how
the most humane way to kill an animal is normally to gas or slit their throat
and without a second thought I yanked a sharp necklaces of a girl and slowly
slide it through his throat, with such ease, like a hot knife through butter.
And lets just say after a few more kicks to the head he was not screaming
anymore. I shrink into a ball knowing the consequences of my actions, but I
can't help but feel a sense of relief. My thought were interrupted with the
sound of flashes and an annoying tv show presenter saying " what do you
say, will you give john another chance judy? Because you just got pranked
by HOLY SHIT. 911 NOW!"
Lets just say that show never aired and that I
truly didn't regret a thing.
:)
1. Preheat oven to 120c, and line baking trays with baking paper 
2. Separate the eggs white from yolks.
3. On a slow speed, beat the egg whites till they form a soft peak. Then and two tablespoons of sugar. and beat for a futher 2-3mins.
4. Add the rest of the sugar and cocoaquickly and fold in quickly and lightly with a large metal spoon.
5. Spoon the mixture onto the baking tray with a large metal spoon. put in oven for 1 hour and 30 mins. :) or until completely dry.
6. Sprinkle with cocoa and then ... Eat!
6. Sprinkle with cocoa and then ... Eat!